A Bit About Me and My Purpose

I eventually became deeply disillusioned with economics. No matter how I looked at it, every system seemed to boil down to the redistribution of scarce resources — taking from one person or group to benefit another. It felt like vanity: selfish, empty, and ultimately insubstantial. This perspective grew heavier and heavier on my heart. I lost all motivation to continue my studies at Ohio State and chose to leave. I longed for something eternal, something worth giving my life to. I simply could not dedicate myself to what would not last. It was in that emptiness that Jesus found me. When I look back, I now see that He had been at work in my life all along.
I chose to work for a season before going back to school. I took a software development position that required 40 hours a week, frequently working in extended sessions of 20 hours or longer. Rather than draining me, this rhythm created significant space in my life for God. I spent hours each day walking in local parks, deepening my relationship with Him and learning to live in the Spirit. I also immersed myself in several Bible studies, prayer groups, and weekly church services. At the center of it all was a single desire: I simply wanted Jesus. I wanted to see what He was doing and to know Him more. I had come to understand that He holds infinite, unchanging value.
During that season, I became part of an intercessory prayer group that greatly deepened and solidified my trust in God.
 
One night in prayer, the Lord clearly impressed on me that I would not minister in a single role for life. Instead, I was called to live as a bard — shifting from one role to another, always excited by learning and easily bored by mere competence. Writing was a branch He clearly wanted me to develop.
There is no limit to the depth of God. He is inexhaustible. John 17:3 has become one of my favorite verses in the entire Bible:
“Now this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.”We can truly know God — but only in part. We will never be able to fully encompass Him or exhaust His depths with our understanding. No matter how much we grow, we will never ingest all that He is. Even in eternity, God could instantly pour into us the cumulative knowledge of all humanity in a single moment. And if He did that every second, of every day, for all eternity, there would still be infinitely more of Him left to know. He is endlessly beautiful, endlessly deep, and endlessly wonderful.

The Book of Lamentations 3

22 The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
     For His compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
     Great is Your faithfulness.

24 “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
     “Therefore I have hope in Him.”

25 The LORD is goodto those who wait for Him,  
     To the person who seeksHim.

God is eternally new and infinitely beyond our ability to comprehend. True contemplation is a place of deep rest in God. We deliberately lay down our cares and earthly concerns so we can listen and commune with Him, limiting every distraction that would draw our gaze away. The Bible frequently shows God veiled in clouds — whether riding on them, appearing in the smoke of the tabernacle, or shining through the cloud of the Transfiguration. Though the veil has been torn and we now have direct access to the Father, it remains a challenge to look away from the world and truly look to Him. Job declared, “Clouds are a hiding place for Him, so that He cannot be seen; He walks on the vault of heaven.” God’s presence can be overwhelming in its majesty. Contemplation is never a self-directed activity. While meditation involves our thoughts partnering with God, contemplation is entirely God-initiated, God-breathed, and God-sustained. All we are asked to do is yield.

William James described genius as a branch growing on a neurological tree. In the same way, there can be a kind of genius in contemplation — a special capacity to dwell in the presence of God. Like every true form of genius, it is not something we manufacture. It is a gift from God.
He is both the source and the very substance of that gift.
Just as Jesus said of Mary, the sister of Lazarus, “this will not be taken away from her,” the ability to sit at His feet in contemplation is a blessing and calling that God Himself protects. There is nothing of human achievement in it. Contemplation is entirely His initiative, His gift, and His sustaining grace.

Once you have accepted Jesus, prayer becomes a real encounter with God.
In most prayers, we experience a quiet, gentle sense of His presence. There are also times when the Holy Spirit clearly leads us in prayer, and we simply follow — these moments carry greater intensity.
Then there are seasons when the presence of God becomes so strong that we feel like a balloon stretched to its limit. Our bodies and minds are like old, brittle wineskins. When the new wine of God’s Spirit is poured in, it presses against our frail humanity and can feel as though we might burst.
We cannot yet continually fix our eyes on the Bright Morning Star until…

Revelation 22:17 

The Spirit and the bride say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who wishes take the water of life without cost.

If I do not abide in Christ, I am not empowered for ministry. It is the filling of God’s love that compels us to go outward. We cannot linger long in contemplation. Every real encounter with God’s presence fills the heart with love and concern for others.
 
People who undervalue contemplation often issue stern warnings about spending too much time there. Yet the truth is, focused contemplation usually lasts less than thirty minutes. We can practice the presence of God all day long, as Brother Lawrence encouraged, but that is “praying without ceasing” integrated into life — not contemplation. 

True contemplation means deliberately putting the distractions of the world out of mind so we can sit before God, letting Him be fully sovereign and do as He pleases.
 
Luke 6:12

In those days, Jesus went out to the mountain to pray, and He spent the night in prayer to God.“

Many years ago, God clearly impressed on my heart that writing and teaching would be part of my earthly assignment. As I revisit this calling now, I see that it is in writing and teaching that I pour out most of my energy and passion.
 
Whether this blog writing fully satisfies that call, or whether it serves as a springboard to something greater and yet unseen, I am content. I will remain content — knowing that I am walking in what He has set before me.
 

I am confident that my writing, journal entries, meditations, and musings will satisfy my desire to bring good news to the afflicted, to bind up the brokenhearted,To proclaim liberty to captives, through writing.

 Philippians 3:12-14

… I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Above all else, I am called to drink deeply from the river of the water of life, that my fruit may ripen continually and my leaves may bring healing to the nations.

May God bless these desires and every heart that lingers here. As you pass through, please pray for me.

My Purpose Above all, my call is to drink deeply from the river of the water of life, that my fruit my may ripen continually and that my leaves bring healing to the nations. God bless these desires and those who linger here. mythoughts, thoughtsofgod, thoughts of God

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.